Today we’d like to introduce you to Shari Bingham.
Hi Shari, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
One of my first memories as a child is my parents arguing.
They never got married during the 14 years they were together and split up when I was about 5 years old. My parents did not have the healthiest relationship, and when alcohol was involved, it made things worse.
My sister is 21 months younger than me, and we were mostly raised by my mom. My mom has been fiercely independent, working full-time at her dad’s chemical company while we were little. She also attended Sam Houston State University to get her degree in psychology, while being a single mom and working full time. My sister and I would see our dad once a week and every other weekend. He worked for himself in construction, was a perfectionist at what he did, and has always lived close to my mom.
My dad got married when I was about six. My stepmom was nice in the beginning, but as time progressed, their relationship became toxic. My dad had gotten sober for four years when I was little but started drinking again, and I started having nightmares that I believed were related to some of the relationship dynamics that I witnessed. I saw a therapist that I did not connect well with, so later in life, I was initially resistant to counseling, scared of finding yet another therapist I didn’t connect with.
Even though things at home were not always the best, I was excelling in school and was accepted into the gifted and talented program when I was 8. This was a good thing for me because when I was not being intellectually stimulated at school, I began to act out. Sometimes this was directed towards peers while other times, it was my mouth that got me in trouble with teachers.
My dad and stepmom had my half-sister when I was in fourth grade. My mom got married when I was 12, and I was jealous when my mom dated men because I wanted all of her attention to myself. I refused to go to her wedding and stayed at my dad’s house instead. Her husband was an alcoholic and almost always had a Jack Daniel’s and ginger ale in his hand. The marriage only lasted two years, and by that time, I had actually started to like him.
From 11-13 years old, I got into competitive cheerleading and excelled in the sport as a flyer. My mom started dating one of my cheerleading friend’s dads and we became almost like sisters. This was the first guy my mom dated that I actually approved of. I think that it was partly because he was a great man and also because I began to realize that my mom would still spend time with me even if she was dating someone.
My dad and stepmom had my half-brother around this time, and even though my life seemed to be going well in so many aspects, I was diagnosed as depressed and started taking medication. I regularly saw a psychologist—who was familiar with my family’s history—and a psychiatrist. This was beneficial to me as I was not always the best at expressing the way I felt in words. I was notorious for holding things in and then freaking out either physically or verbally. Oftentimes, my assaults were directed towards the people I was closest to. My diagnosis was later changed from major depressive disorder to bipolar disorder. I continue to see both my psychologist and psychiatrist today, and they have made lasting impressions on my life.
I was never really much of a drinker in high school because I was usually the one driving, and I was in competitive dance until I was 17. I have also known that alcoholism and addiction runs in my family. This is not surprising to me considering that both of my parents experienced trauma, in part, from having alcoholic dads. Both sides of my family have members that were heroin addicts, and that always made me scared that if I were to experiment with drugs the same thing would happen to me too.
My dad and stepmom divorced while I was in college getting my undergraduate degree at the University of Houston. After a 2 1/2 year relationship that I was in ended, I was heartbroken and my drinking got progressively worse. On Thanksgiving morning in 2007, I was arrested for public intoxication. I resisted arrest by getting my left wrist out of the handcuff and struggled with the cops once they noticed. In my drunken state, I thought I was superwoman. On my way to the police station, I was crying in the back seat and telling the police officer that I was “not a stupid girl.” I felt so ashamed and never thought that I would find myself being arrested. I did 9 months of probation, attended AA meetings, and sought treatment from a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor with a friend who quit drinking with me. I am now proud to say that I have not had a drink in over 14 1/2 years. When I started seeing the LCDC, I did not know that I would be as happy as I was without drinking, but I realized that with sobriety, my lows are not as low. It also doesn’t hurt that I remember things and never get hungover.
I worked at a property management company that I was unhappy at while going to school. Even though they paid for me to get my real estate license, I ended up quitting my job there, took some time off, and grew depressed. I later started working as a Realtor and enjoyed working with buyers, but the market was challenging at the time. I was mostly living off my savings, so after almost 2 years, I decided to get an additional job at an insurance brokerage. A lady who had been working there for 15 years ended up quitting, so they asked me to come to work full-time. I was really happy there for the first year and half, even though I was stressed at times and felt unappreciated. One day, however, I challenged my boss on something, and he responded by calling me a “bimbo.” My feelings were hurt; I left the office immediately, and he later called, apologized, and asked me to come back. I felt that if I did, he would not respect me, so I declined and ended up getting back into real estate as a Transaction Coordinator. I was incredibly fortunate to work for some great Realtors and teams for many years. The entirety of my career journey has not been linear. The struggles did push me to pursue something that I found more meaningful, counseling, and I learned so much about setting boundaries from my time in real estate.
In 2011, I started doing yoga and found that it was very beneficial to my physical, and more importantly, mental health. I was able to get off of medication with a yoga practice and the support of my doctors. That being said, I went through a series of struggles and ended up getting back on medication.
My life and mental health journey led me to want to go back to school, and I graduated with my Master of Science in Counseling in 2018 and became a Registered Yoga Teacher in 2020. While in school, I interned at an agency that provided support to clients who were survivors of various crimes.
I currently work at a group practice in The Heights called The Flourishing Way. I absolutely enjoy working with clients, both teens and adults, on their own journeys through life. My experiences have helped me be able to empathize with clients’ experiences on a deeper level, and I hope that some of what I needed when I was in struggle, is what I am able to help provide to clients. I work with clients individually and facilitate groups with high school and young adult females where we incorporate yoga and mindfulness. It is incredibly fulfilling to see the progress that clients can make, even when that progress is not linear.
We all face challenges, but looking back, would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
My life has been full of struggles, and as weird as it may sound, I am grateful for most of them. There have definitely been times when I have questioned if I was on the right path and was unsure about what I was doing in relationships, or second-guessing myself in general. In some ways, I have wandered through life, not knowing if what I was doing was purposeful.
After I was arrested, I believed that people would look down on me for my mistakes, but in reality, the person who judged me the most for that was myself. Yes, I made a huge mistake, and at the same time, I would not take it back because it led to incredible growth as a person. I was forced to address things that I may not have otherwise.
That being said, I also recognized that my experience was one of privilege. I doubt my arrest experience would have been the same were I not a petite white woman. I am lucky to have an incredible support system of people who were there to support me in my sobriety, who called me out when I needed some tough love, and who was there to help me see that some of the things that I did during my drinking days were hurtful.
During some of my darkest days with depression, when I was isolating myself, I told myself that people did not care about me and that no one was there for me. That was a lie! My friends and family really showed up for me once they realized how much I was hurting. I wish I had said something sooner. Once I was able to be more vulnerable, I was relieved to know that I was fortunate to be so loved. I sometimes say that people don’t always like me, but they do love me. I have always been one who challenges things and can be extremely hard-headed. That can make it difficult for people to see that even though it seems that I have a hard exterior, I am actually a deep feeler and can be sensitive. That being said, it does not always feel “safe” to feel things deeply or let people in on that.
When I started practicing yoga, I realized through my process of learning crow pose, that I didn’t trust myself. It is a really scary place to be when you don’t even trust yourself. Yoga helped me realize that I am incredibly strong, both mentally and physically. It has helped me connect more with my body, which so often sends messages to me. For example, if I’m feeling anxious, I can get curious with myself about whether that anxiety is due to what is presently happening or if it is something connected to what has happened in my past. If my body is feeling tired, it might be a sign that I need to get more rest or take things easier that day. One day’s “best” may not look the same as my other days’ “best,” and that is perfectly okay. We are humans, not robots.
My time in real estate, although challenging, led me to create some incredible friendships that I may not have found otherwise. It also helped me learn how to create boundaries in both professional and personal ways. Working in real estate with both clients and other professionals, it was sometimes expected for me to drop what I was doing and focus on what someone else wanted of me. I had to create systems that helped me feel secure and decrease my stress levels, and sometimes I would just flat out say, “no.” I learned so much about negotiating and asking for what I needed and was also able to support others in their real estate journeys. My real estate career supported me in setting up a foundation to be able to go back to school and pursue my goal of becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
At The Flourishing Way, I work with individuals who want to find their way out of the darkness they are experiencing in their life. Healing is not a one-size-fits-all journey and life isn’t “perfect.” What works for one person might not work for another. I foster an individualized relationship with each client, offering an unbiased ear and direct feedback to help people through the storms of life. Sometimes all it takes is a little mindful awareness to recalibrate our compasses and get back on our path toward personal growth. Not everything works out as planned, but at the end of the day, we are the only person who we can control and our happiness relies on us and only us.
On top of individual sessions, I love facilitating high school and young-adult groups at The Flourishing Way because I find these groups are exactly what I would have needed at that age. I found meaningful friendships organically when I was younger, but I can see how it’s important (and harder) to find supportive communities post-COVID and within a remote-work world.
Where we are in life is often partly because of others. Who/what else deserves credit for how your story turned out?
There are so many people who have made huge contributions to my life. Firstly, my mom. I would not be here today if it were not for her support. She has been a role model for me as a professional and as a woman who does not give up. She financially supported me by paying for my education and has been there for me to help with navigating professional situations, including negotiating pay and reviewing my resume. In addition, I’ve always admired how she stresses the importance of having strong female friendships. I am incredibly grateful to have friends who are bosses in their lives as professionals, mothers, and more.
My supervisor, and boss, Jill Tucker has also been instrumental in my growth as an individual and as a counselor. We co-facilitate high school groups together and have a way of balancing each other well. She tends to be more fun and lighthearted, whereas I tend to be more of a calm and grounding presence in the group. I was also fortunate throughout my time in real estate to work for multiple professionals who were flexible with my work schedules, whether it be to allow me to go to counseling for my mental health, being in school, interning, or working a second job. I recently spoke at a real estate conference with Jill, and it warmed my heart and eased my nerves to see several familiar faces in the audience. I love that I keep in touch with so many people who supported me in getting to where I am today.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.theflourishingway.org
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cb_fdROsUMo/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TFWhtx/
Image Credits
Gerardo Velasquez
Andi Wardrop
