Conversations with the Inspiring Catherine St Clair

Today we’d like to introduce you to Catherine St Clair.

Thanks for sharing your story with us Catherine. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.
In 2017, I discovered unexpectedly through a genealogical DNA test that my beloved father who raised me was not my biological father. I was the youngest of five children born to a solid marriage of 51 years until my parents passed away (2002 and 2009). The trauma of this blindsiding revelation motivated me to seek out professional counseling and found there are no methods in place to help people like me, who – at that time – I believed was extremely rare. After connecting with one other woman a few weeks after I learned of this, we found that talking about our feelings with each other actually helped each of us. So, since I could find no emotional support groups anywhere on the internet, I created a private Facebook group that is accessible only by invitation from another member. This community provides emotional support to those who made the same discovery. This encompasses anyone who discovered later in life that their assumed parent(s) or grandparent(s) was not their biological link. This includes adults who were the results of affairs, one night stands, assaults, donor conception, surrogate-carried and/or egg donor children and also those who are LDA (Late Discovery Adoptees). We hoped to find as many as a dozen people like us. Surprisingly, we discovered our situation is actually VERY common and impacts every family in the world. Our community validates each other. We view our group as a place of solace… a sanctuary of peace… it is like an Intensive Care Unit where each person who arrives is a patient and each person who is already there is a healer. We shower each other with the words of encouragement we feel that we need for ourselves. And, in helping others, we find our own healing. Our community is only 14 months old and is nearing 3,000 in population.

The Atlantic ran a story on me and my group on July 17th. It went viral. I was contacted by Good Morning America that evening. Since then, we have been featured on ABC’s Good Morning America and Nightline, WGN-Chicago, New York Post, LaCrosse Tribune, and – just this morning on NBC’s Today Show with Megyn Kelly. We also are slated to appear on The Dr. Oz Show (we just finished taping that episode two days ago in New York at their studios).

Our group saw other needs, so I have founded the NPE Friends Fellowship, a 501(c)3 non-profit organization to promote the best interests of NPE’s. That is the label used on in the genealogical world to designate a location on the family tree in which the parent at that location has been proven through DNA to not be the biological parent. They call it “Non-Parental Event” but we personalize it by calling it “Not Parent Expected.” Our organization’s mission is to provide two different grant programs – DNA Testing Kits (for proven NPE’s who – through their own financial need – need a test to prove that someone is the parent they have been searching for. Also, our Travel Grant Program, for NPE’s who need an extra hand in getting travel arrangements made to go meet their new bio-family for the first time.

Our long-term goals include working with policymakers to blaze the trail for NPE’s to EASILY and AFFORDABLY get their names changed to their rightful name and to correct their birth certificates without a lengthy and costly legal maneuver.

Currently, I live and work in Conroe, Texas. I am the primary caregiver to my adopted little sister, Lisa, who has severe Cerebral Palsy. She is on life support and requires round-the-clock care. She has nurses and aides who are with her while I work. Our brother, a retired disabled Vietnam-era veteran also shares our home. I work full-time for Montgomery County in the Purchasing Department as a Buyer. I am a member of The Woodlands Church (Pastor Kerry Shook). I am originally from Arkansas. I have been a Naturalized Texan since I was 19 (1981) and have lived in Conroe since 2005. I am single and have one adult daughter, Mallory Robinson, and two beautiful grandchildren, Ellie (9) and Marley (4).

Clearly there have been ups and downs, but overall how do you feel about the journey so far?  
Life is messy. There is no “NORMAL.” There’s just LIFE. Recognize that it’s messy. Know that it can get better. Empower yourself to do better every day. Give more than you get. But, mostly, forgive. Forgive imperfections. Forgive broken promises. Forgive yourself. Forgive those who will never ask for forgiveness and maybe they don’t deserve your forgiveness. Forgive them anyway. Anger, hurt, resentment is just toxic energies that only eat away at you. They don’t touch the person who hurt you. So, forgive so you can shed all of that and feel that burden lift from your heart. Forgiving does not mean giving the other person a free pass to hurt you again. Recognize toxicity and step away from it, but wish that person well in their own journey.

Things happen in our lives that just don’t make sense. We need to understand why. Maybe we can’t see why. But, someday, the Universe gives us a gift to be able to look back and see how those difficult times were building blocks that were necessary to get us to where we are right now. And, looking back, it can all make sense. So, just trust the Universe and the timing as it comes to you. Make the best of every opportunity afforded to you. And love yourself the way you think any child deserves to be loved.

What else should we know about your work and the NPE Friends Fellowship? 
I’m extremely good at keeping people alive. Taking care of my little sister is so methodical and organized that it runs like a well-oiled machine. I guess most people watch how I handle her life and are amazed at all I do. But, for me, it’s just like breathing. I’m used to it.

I’m very proud of The Fellowship (NPE Friends Fellowship). It has turned into my mission.

I’m a good public speaker – especially when it is something I am passionate about.

I strive to be a good mediator. I hold on loosely, but don’t let go. I work well as a go-between with challenging entities bringing together a partnership that everyone is happy with. It is all based on HEALING and VALIDATING.

Do you have a lesson or advice you’d like to share with young women just starting out?
Live frugally. Avoid short-term debt because it ALWAYS ends up being long-term debt. Live beneath your means and make it a goal to save 20% of your net salary for retirement and another 5-10% for unexpected emergencies. Set aside another 5% for goals (major vacations, special extravagances, and self-indulgence). Get at least one degree but set a goal for more. Constantly be open to learning more. Never feel entitled to anything. Recognize that having a job is a privilege, not a right. Prove yourself worthy daily. Always arrive to work at least 5 minutes early and leave 5 minutes late. Give more than you get. Be a woman of your word. Avoid using the phrase, “I promise,” because eventually, you will have to break that promise. Use it sparingly and keep your word at all costs. Integrity cannot be bought. People won’t like you more because you share everyone else’s secrets and stories and gossip. They’ll tag you as the person not to trust. And if someone DOES trust you with something that would make them vulnerable, recognize that honor and don’t abuse it.

Contact Info:

• Website: NPE Friends Fellowship
• Email: NPEFellowship@gmail.com
• Instagram: NPE Fellowship
• Facebook: NPE Fellowship
• Twitter: NPE Fellowship

Image Credit:
Marion Murphy

Getting in touch: VoyageHouston is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you know someone who deserves recognition please let us know here.