Today we’d like to introduce you to Stefanie Kuhn.
Hi Stefanie, we’re thrilled to have a chance to learn your story today. So, before we get into specifics, maybe you can briefly walk us through how you got to where you are today.
I grew up in Germany during the Cold War, which had a big influence on how I thought about the world and what felt safe for me. As a young child, the British would come and train in the woods near my house, and there was a distinct feeling of unease and uncertainty. Then, when I was 11, the wall fell, and everything changed. The village I lived in was 20 minutes away from it, and there was a huge shift in the air. I am very proud to have witnessed such a peaceful reunification of my country. Between high school and university, I lived in New Zealand for a year, working with low-income children with behavioral issues. This was one of my first introductions to mental health, and it was hugely impactful for me. I followed a traditional path after that and went to college, got a master’s, and began working in a corporate environment. I met the father of my children and became a mom.
In Germany, the laws to combine family and work life are a lot more family-friendly. It was still challenging adding children to our lives (no one really talks about that, and you only hear about how beautiful it is to have children), and yet, German laws made it easier in terms of combining work and family. My spouse and I shared responsibilities and had different scenarios with each child. With our first child, he worked full-time, and I worked part-time. And with our second child, he worked part-time, and I worked full-time. By law, we both had the right to work this way and had no impact on our careers, which would be unheard of in the States.
My now ex-husband, who is an American, wanted to pursue his dream working in the space industry. So, in 2015, we moved to the U.S. It was then that I realized how much more difficult it is in this country to have a healthy work and family life balance. After a year and a half of getting everyone settled, at 38 I went back to grad school to finally pursue my own dream of becoming a therapist. I knew that I wanted to have my own private therapy practice because of the freedom it offered me as well as a meaningful job with my family life.
In the process of becoming a therapist, I realized that no one really teaches us how to do relationships; it’s just somehow expected that we’ll “get it,” and of course, that doesn’t really happen. The role models we see on television are a far cry from reality. Most couples go through normal ups and downs. We rarely see the tough times or the rough patches that couples have to weather as they become parents, move to a new community, manage an empty nest, or transition to a new career. And because we have so few role models to teach us how to navigate all of the almost “normal” relationship challenges, I have found great meaning in doing this kind of work with my clients.
Today, I love working with couples and individuals with relationship issues. Many of these “big” roadblocks are quite normal and require new skills or new ways of thinking. Once those skills are onboard, fighting about who left the dishes in the sink or the cap off the toothpaste seems silly.
Knowing that therapy can make such an impactful change on people’s lives is what truly motivates me. Whether it’s individuals in therapy because they are struggling with feeling understood, communicating their emotions, healing after a divorce, or recovering after infidelity, or couples working through how to get their needs met, navigating who wants more s*x or less s*x, or understanding each other, therapy is a vehicle for profound change in people’s lives.
I also know what it’s like to be an immigrant living in a state… Many people who speak German come to me for the simplicity in communicating, but I have an ingrained knowledge of what it’s like to be an outsider and not fit in. Moving to the U.S. brings many opportunities, but it also has loads of other mental health challenges, including loneliness, depression, anxiety, identity loss, and isolation. All of the details about my private therapy practice can be found on my website, www.therapyworkswell.com.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way? Looking back, would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Going back to grad school at 38 and learning this field in a different language with 2 young kids at home wasn’t easy. But I knew it was the right thing to do. Becoming a therapist has allowed me to be more connected and present with my kids. It has given me independence and a sense of pride in myself, and a deep sense of knowing that I am helping others with their lives. That means a lot to me. Building my business has been work because it’s not a skill taught in graduate school, so I have had to learn how to grow my practice on my own. Ethically, I also want to spend as much time as humanly possible reading, researching, and studying my field. Giving my clients the level of care they deserve is one of my main goals and yet, there are only so many hours in the day. Sometimes, the struggle is really to decide what is the most important priority versus something else, but really, this is a good problem to have!
We’ve been impressed with Therapy Works – Marriage and Family Therapy Center, but for folks who might not be as familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
I started my business, therapyworkswell.com, 2 years ago, and it has grown by word of mouth. My goal is to grow my practice into a place where many people have the opportunity to grow in their relationships. Professionally, I want to develop a group practice where other therapists like me have a greater work-life balance. I want to help therapists have an alternative from the agency work that can be so draining when you have to see 30 clients or more a week.
Currently, I see many people who are dealing with desire discrepancy and challenges with intimacy in their marriage or partnership. I also see lots of couples where the main problem centers around communication. When you get past the “she nags me all the time” and “he doesn’t listen to me,” what I find is that most couples want the same thing. They want to be seen and heard and feel safe to be vulnerable with their partner.
Doing this work gives me hope because what I often find is that when couples can get past their squabbles, they really love each other. They just need someone like me to help them work on communication and understanding so they feel more connected.
I also see a lot of men who come to therapy because they don’t understand their wife. Women today are dealing with a lot, and they’re often in many roles (mom, wife, employee, etc.), and this creates a lot of stress. Men share with me that they feel dismissed or ignored but when they bring it up, they are often met with resistance and rejection.
I like working with men because they really need someone who understands what’s going on for them. I help men look at what’s causing them to feel rejected (often it’s not having s*x) and how to connect with their partners in ways that foster connection on all levels.
When it comes to my therapy practice, I want to keep working with individuals and with couples but also add groups, and I am working on one about desire discrepancy now.
If someone is looking for a therapist, you can find out more about my practice on therapyworkswell.com
Can you tell us more about what you were like growing up?
I grew up as an only child, and sometimes, I felt really lonely because I didn’t have anyone to play with. When I was 10, I read my first chapter book by Astrid Lindgren. It was a big book (more pages than I had ever read before), making it a huge accomplishment and very meaningful to me. On Amazon, you can only find it in German, but what made the book so special was that the kids were from three families, but their houses were right next to each other on a farm. The kids played and had great adventures together. They really belonged together, and it represented a community I wish I had. As an adult, being a part of something and belonging is very important to me. That’s how I knew; for example, I wanted to have two kids instead of just one.
And even though I sometimes missed a sibling to play with, I made the best of it by being pretty outgoing. I LOVED to be outside. As much as I was happy with my friends, I also didn’t mind being alone. If I could be outside playing all day, that would be a dream day for me. I always had to work hard for things; nothing fell into my lap, but that gave me the tenacity to move to the States and start this amazing counseling practice. All of which I’m deeply grateful for.
Pricing:
- Individual and couples: $150 for 45 minute session
Contact Info:
- Website: www.therapyworkswell.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therapyworkswell_stefanie_kuhn/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TherapyWorksWell/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stefanie-kuhn-16612315/
