We recently had the chance to connect with Carlos J. Malave and have shared our conversation below.
Carlos J., a huge thanks to you for investing the time to share your wisdom with those who are seeking it. We think it’s so important for us to share stories with our neighbors, friends and community because knowledge multiples when we share with each other. Let’s jump in: Have any recent moments made you laugh or feel proud?
Yeah, actually. I was having a conversation with my daughter the other day, and in that moment I realized she’s really starting to implement all the things her mom and I have been pouring into her—from the way she thinks to the way she carries herself. Seeing her apply it on her own brought a real smile to my face. It made me extremely proud of the young person she’s becoming.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Carlos J. Malave, and I currently serve as the Director of Culture and Community at Bloom Academy. In this role, I focus on creating safe, consistent, and nurturing environments where scholars can grow academically and emotionally. I lead our culture systems, community partnerships, and restorative practices—ensuring that every scholar and family feels seen, supported, and valued.
Alongside my work at Bloom, I run a consulting and curriculum development company where I help educators, leaders, and organizations transform their ideas into powerful, actionable programs. Through coaching, I support individuals in clarifying their vision, building their offerings, and impacting their communities with intention and purpose.
I’m also the author of No More Dancing, my newest book, which digs into personal growth, boundaries, and the courage it takes to stop performing for others and start standing in your truth. It’s deeply connected to my own story and the work I do with students and adults around authenticity and healing.
Everything I create—whether in a school building, a training, a curriculum, or a book—comes from a commitment to building community, restoring relationships, and helping people unlock what’s already inside them. That’s what drives my work, and that’s what makes my brand unique: everything starts with people, and everything ends with impact.
Great, so let’s dive into your journey a bit more. What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
As a Restorative Practitioner, I’ve learned that what breaks the bond between people is usually the same thing that breaks us internally: unspoken expectations, unaddressed hurt, and the pressure to perform instead of being honest. When people start ‘dancing’—pretending everything is okay, avoiding hard conversations, or abandoning their boundaries to keep the peace—the connection slowly erodes. We stop showing up as ourselves, and the relationship becomes a performance instead of a partnership. That’s when distance builds.
What restores the bond is the exact opposite: truth, transparency, and courageous conversations. When people choose to stop dancing and start being real—naming the hurt, sharing the impact, owning their part, and being willing to listen without defending—the relationship can breathe again. Restoration happens when accountability and compassion meet in the same room.
In No More Dancing, I talk a lot about returning to yourself first. Because when you’re grounded, honest, and clear about who you are, you create space for others to show up the same way. Restored people restore relationships. And that’s the heart of restorative work: not perfection, but presence. Not blame, but understanding. Not performance, but truth.
When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
I stopped hiding my pain after my father died by suicide. That moment forced me to face a truth I had been running from: not being your full, authentic self can destroy you from the inside out. My father was one person privately and someone else publicly, and that disconnect—the weight of carrying a version of himself that wasn’t real—is ultimately what killed him.
After losing him, I made a decision. I wasn’t going to live a life performing for other people or letting their expectations shape who I was. I stopped caring about what others thought, and I started honoring what I felt. I leaned into my story instead of burying it. And that shift—choosing authenticity over approval—turned my pain into my power.
Now, everything I do, from my work in schools to my writing in No More Dancing, comes from that place. I use my voice so others don’t have to carry their silence. I show up as my whole self so my daughter and the people I serve see what it looks like to live truthfully. My pain didn’t just break me; it built me. And that’s when everything changed.
Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. Whom do you admire for their character, not their power?
The person I admire most for their character is my wife, Melissa. She has the most integrity of anyone I know and is genuinely the kindest person I’ve ever met. As she once said, ‘Anyone can be nice, but not everyone is kind.’ That’s the kind of character I admire—the quiet strength that shows up not for recognition or power, but because it’s the right thing to do. Watching her live that way every day challenges me to be better, to show up fully, and to lead with heart. She inspires me in ways nothing else can.
Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. What will you regret not doing?
The one thing I’d regret not doing is giving my wife and daughter the same attention and effort I put into my career. I want to be fully present for them, in every way possible. At the end of the day, family is what really matters, and what they think of me is what I care about most now. I don’t want to look back and realize I was too busy chasing everything else to show up for the people who matter most.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.cjmotivation.com
- Instagram: @cjmotivation
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlosjmalave?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/@carlosjmalave?si=cTgR71tHR05pr-qa
